Hey Ho

Here I sit at work, desperately trying to stay awake and thinking of two things, my baby and my dogs.  I miss both of them so much when I am at work but someone has to pay the bills other than just my hubby.  I do love my job, don't get me wrong.  I do think I would go crazy if I didn't work.  I like to be mentally challenged and while I would love to have more time at home with the baby and dogs, I think I would really, really miss science.  I have been dusting off the old resume here lately, getting ready just in case we don't get funded.  Our grant was denied the first round but we were allowed a re submit so we are just waiting to see what happens now.  I sure will miss this job.  It has been a great job for the past 8 years. My boss is very supportive of my addictions and has allowed me to go to several nationals, be gone on maternity leave for 7 weeks and allowed me to leave early for countless dog/child related events.  She even let me work full time here and part time at a vet's office to gain experience with other breeds of dogs.  She puts up with alot.  Like me blogging at work:)  My job has down time though when we are waiting for pcr or waiting for gels to run or waiting for stains to develop so it isn't like I am putting off something I should be doing to write this.

Anyway, been battling some thoughts lately and thought I would write them down.  Sad right now really.  Reading everyone's excitement about nationals and wishing I was going.  Deuce did qualify for team and grand prix and this year would have been just a fun learning experience for him.  I was hoping to do USDAA and AKC nationals but without hook ups for RVs, USDAA nationals became a distant thought and then the fact that I had to lay out of shows for so long thanks to getting so big and deuce getting sick has diminished our chances of going to AKC nationals in Tulsa.  There still is a glimmer of hope but it is tiny.  I have had this sick little feeling in the back of my mind, just give it all up.  Why are you still doing this?  You don't have time to train, you don't have money to spend to go to more shows, you can't expect to reach the goals you have on just one or two shows a month and NO training time.  But I love it and I love my friends and would miss them so much.  I like having goals.  They keep me going, keep me in the game.  I don't know what I would do without them.  I also have been thinking about not teaching anymore.  My class sizes have dwindled, there are other trainers in town now that are closer to most  of my student's homes and I can't teach more than one night a week with the baby.  This makes it hard to please students and their crazy schedules.  I would love to go back to teaching two nights a week but i just can't.  Hubby's schedule has been all over the place lately and I can't ask that he can take care of andrew more than one night a week.  His work is very different than mine, much better salary but lots of crazy hours with overtime which is great money but it means he is gone alot and he can't say no.  Say no once and you will be looked over forever when it comes to over time work and over time pay is AMAZING:)  Can you say 64 bucks an hour?  Momma likes but it means momma has to be momma all the time and can't be dog trainer.  I would miss my students so much too.  I love them and the progress they have made in the few years I have been teaching them.  I love seeing them competing now and being successful and thinking that I had a small part in where they are today and where they are going.  Okay now I feel like I am going to cry.  Stupid cold medicines are making me loopy!

Okay through with my pity party.  Thanks for listening or should I say reading.  Got this crap out of my head, now I can go on with my life.  If I could ever get rid of this stupid cold I picked up, I could have a beer and chill and just let all of this go.  Writing it down helps, makes me look at it and laugh and think, stop whining you silly girl!  

Flying Solo

First show by myself!  I really have the greatest friends in the whole world though.  One had said I could stay with her so I didn't have to drive an hour back and forth every day.  I swear every day someone had me food, coffee, baby sat or walked my dog for me.  My friends really do rock!  Mom's rocking chair that is collapsible and totally comfortable was a big hit as well as my boppy (nursing pillow that i use for everything now).  So many agility aunts and grandmas out there that if I needed anything, they were there to take him or deuce and help me out.  The club even let me set up early as I got there like three hours too early.  We had some screaming in the car seat but I tried to plan all car trips when he was slightly sleepy.  Probably the worst was going home yesterday.  Had decided to go home via the old road which had several bridges under construction meaning it took twice as long as normal.  He did scream for about 10 minutes and even went into one of his non breathing fits but i was able to pull off, put his pacifier in his mouth and he promptly went to sleep.  Got decent sleep all weekend which was nice and bonus, have the day off to day to re cooperate thanks to the day care being shut down one more day.  Things I learned from this trial are no more ready made bottles, I need a different cooler for keeping bottles cold and I need to eat no matter what.  Went all day yesterday with no food and felt like CRAP last night and I really, really needed to clean the house, do laundry and run.  Oh well, lesson learned.  Will be running today and eating today for sure:)

Was still trying to figure out deuce's bar issue from the last weekend.  Didn't enter T2B or FAST this weekend which made for long days since we were at the trial site at 7 every morning but not running till 11 or later.  For the most part, all runs were great, some had one bar but luck for deuce, no first bars.  Was very careful to set him up farther back but I am still not sure that was really the cause of him knocking them anyway.  Got some good collection on a couple of starts but not alot during courses.  Still battling that, how to get him to read collection cues when my motion is saying go.  We finally got a q in JWW and had several really, really nice runs with either one little bobble or one stupid bar.  I feel like we are getting so close.  Of course we have a three week lay off but I need it.  I am hoping we get to train some these next three weeks.  We NEED it.  I can tell that is what is lacking but just haven't figured out how to fit it into our busy schedule.  The night I teach I go straight from work to the field so I can't go home and get deuce.  I can do small sequences in the backyard which is what I am going to be stuck doing for now.  He does so much better when I can actually train him, even if it is small skill set stuff.  I was planning on going out to open practice last night but hubby got home late, baby was napping and slept through his bottle, I had to run and then eat and by then it was 8 pm and I didn't feel like having a 40 minute drive plus practice time.  I know, excuses, excuses.  I did have deuce massaged this weekend, something I had never done and he LOVED it.  She even came and got him and took him away while I was taking care of the baby and he went with her and stayed on the table even though I wasn't there.  Kind of weird!  Anyway next show at the beginning of october so lots of time to practice.  May just have to rent the field to get some good practice time in.

The first dog show post baby

I was so excited for this trial!  Three whole days of agility goodness with all of my friends I have missed so much, plus my mom and my baby.  I was worried that we would forgot something or need something or wish  we had thought of something but surprisingly, we had everything we needed all weekend.  I packed andrew his own little tiny bag with his doggy clothes and his KSU purple for game day, plus his blankie dogs that he loves and of course lots of diapers.  We decided also to bring his bassinet for him to sleep in rather than the pack and play.  It took up a lot of room in the car but I do think it was a wise choice as he slept like a pro all three nights.  Overall, I was hugely pleased at how well andrew did this weekend.  He slept mostly but he flirted and cooed with all of the women and has a ton of agility aunts, grandmas and one agility uncle now.  He was only fussy when he got hungry.  He did have one little fit every afternoon after we left the show site, thank goodness but it usually meant he needed a good sound sleeping nap and after fighting it for a little while, would usually go into a very deep sleep and sleep it off.  Last night was probably the worst of all the fits as it lasted on and off about an hour but once he got a good nap in, he was fine.  I actually got sleep too this weekend, even fell asleep at 8:30 one night and mom took care of him while I slept.  I needed that!  He had been previously so restless at night, probably due to the re-occurrence of stupid thrush.  Now he is pretty much sleeping from 10 till 4:30 or later.  I will take that in  a heartbeat!  He usually goes back to sleep after that early morning bottle but of course this morning he stayed up till 6 am and then crashed.  Thank goodness I have a flexible job schedule so I got in a couple more hours of sleep.  Now on to the dog part of this blog:)

Deuce and I were a little rusty.  It was weird, the first day he ran so great but had a bar in every run.  Deuce hardly ever knocks bars so that kind of rattled me.  Especially when it was the first bar a couple of runs.  I even tried setting him way back so that he got several strides in before he had to jump and that seem to not help at all.  Overall the runs on the first day were smoking, just those stupid bars.  Day 2 dawned and I was a little rattled but had decided that if he knocked the first bar, he was done.  Of course he didn't knock the first bar the first two runs, one T2B run he knocked a bar somewhere on the course and then in jumpers he popped out of his weaves and then we kind of had a melt down together.  In his defense, the weaves went straight into the wall so I am sure he was feeling pressure but he doesn't normally do that and I wasn't moving  laterally away so I didn't pull him out.  Then of course he knocked the first bar in standard and i was in running mode because it was a hard course and I wanted to try certain parts of it so I missed a training opportunity because I wanted to run.  Bad me!!!!  Of course he got through the hard part beautiful which made that one bar hurt even worse.  URGH!  Day 3 had me a little nervous again.  I hate going three days without a Q and even though it isn't about the Q, I wanted at least one stinking Q.  I need to get out of that mindset.  So many of the young dogs that started with Deuce and now getting so consistent and so fast and many have multiple double Qs and I need to not worry about that because none of them have recently been preggers or had a baby but dang it, I am still competitive so I still watch them and think, that could have been me if I had not have had a lay off.  Anyway, we didn't have T2B so just two runs and I wanted to focus on having good parts instead of worrying about the whole run.  Jumpers had a two jump lead out that went into a serp and I so wanted collection.  I had worked so hard on that and seemed to had that fixed before i had to stop running.  Well, guess what, he is back to not wanting to collect so guess I will be working on that this week for sure before the show this weekend.  He blew past me and of course knocked a bar again.  Can't remember which one it was but it hurt just the same.  Standard was our last chance and I was determined to work ever single obstacle.  We had a very tough serp into the weaves that I was not totally comfortable with so I turned it into a tight rear into the weaves and that worked beautifully.  Then the silly dog just ran past a jump that was right in his face.  Really deuce?  I am sure I just let down ever so slightly because I was like, whew we got through the hard part.  Really hate when that happens because then little thing bite you in the ass.

So overall, not horribly bad, wish I could figure out what the bar issue is.  Maybe just need to work one jump skills this week if I have time.  His weave entries were spot on, he collected for them no problem.  Contacts were good although the last run was dog walk, jump at the end and he self released but I got a verbal correction in so he knew he was wrong.  Can't wait till this weekend to see how he does.  I hate that we were running so well right before i left and now we seemed to have start back kind of at the beginning but  at least not the very, very beginning:)  I start teaching again this week, just one night but won't have time to go get him so have to figure out when and where I can train him.  This weekend will be the first show without my mom but I know I will have tons of help with all of andrew's agility aunts and uncles.  Am staying close to the show site too, so that helps.  I really do have the best agility friends in the world.  I am so glad to be back doing the sport I love!!!!

2 months

Has it already been 2 months? WOW!  Can't believe I have already been back to work for two weeks now and have done 2 agility seminars.  Already back running and even got to run outside for the first time in forever yesterday.  Looking like we might have an early fall which is fine by me.  This heat has been horrible this year and I have felt like a sloth!  I can't believe how much andrew has changed in these two months.  He now interacts with you, smiling and laughing and cooing.  Thanks to daycare he sleeps more at night and less during the day.  Every once in a while he sleeps alot during the day, like today but I guess that means he is growing.  He is now 12.5 lbs and 22.5 inches!

I have had two seminars and Deuce has done surprisingly well.  I figured it would take us a while to get back into things but he has been doing great.  I guess the 3 months off did him well.  He has been running very mature, less stressed and more driven.  We did Lori's euro seminar which was very interesting to say the least since I had had about 4 hours of sleep the night before.  I loaded up on caffeine for the drive down but was super concerned about the drive home.  It is about a 2 hour drive so   I bought some 5 hour energy drink and called my mom for the drive home.  I was very pleased at the fact that I stayed awake the entire day, wasn't too sore and made it home in one piece!  I was told at that time the Ann B clinic still had openings and because so many didn't get in on the upper level day that they were allowing upper level people to take working spots on the lower level day.  I snatched up a spot as quick as I could and I am so glad that i did.  Again, the theme was international and we did tons of backsides, blinds, swishys, and threadles.  Deuce was such a good boy and I felt like we were really clicking as a team.  I am SUPER excited to show him over labor day weekend.  We are doing a three day show and I am bringing andrew.  Managed to talk my mom into driving up to help me and we are getting a hotel really close to the show site.  I feel so much more comfortable with her being there.  My biggest fears were him being hungry and wanting to eat when I need to run or walk a course or be leaving for the show and now I don't have to worry about that.  I am sure we are going to learn alot about this first show as far as what I need to bring or how to do bottles.  Going to try and get him to sleep in his pack and play and going to try and do some room temp bottles.  Did buy a bottle warmer for the car just in case.

Anyway, getting super excited for this first show.  I feel like Deuce and I are in a good spot and I feel like Andrew is getting to the point where I don't worry so much about changing his routine or having him in different locations.  Again, I have learned so much in these 2 months and I continue to learn!

What a difference

What a difference a month makes!  I have learned so much about being a mom.  I have learned to let go of some things and to embrace others.  I have one more week of maternity leave and I am actually pretty sad.  While I miss getting to be around other adults humans, I will so miss cuddling and playing with andrew but sadly I know we cannot afford for me not to work.  The dogs are really going to miss me being home.  When andrew naps, we go out and throw the ball over and over again.  When I go back, they go back to being crated during the day:(  Andrew is doing better at sleeping at night and during the day cat napping.  It's funny, the more I try and enforce a routine with him, the more he rebels.  I see a fun teenager at some point.  I am learning to not get too upset and let him set the pace and go with the flow.  So far, knock on wood, at night, he is going 4 to 5 hours between feeding.  Now that doesn't mean I am getting that much sleep because he is having some reflux issues so I have to hold him upright at least 20 minute post feeding, if not longer.  I am getting 6 or so hours of chopped up sleep but last night, i got five continuous hours and today I feel so rejuvenated!  Tony also helps on the weekend by taking him for his late morning bottle and letting me sleep.  I have to watch out though because I can over sleep and then get too caught up.

Tomorrow will be a big day.  I have my first all day agility seminar in which I will be gone from him all day.  Tony is going to take care of him and I know he can but it makes me nervous.  I have been with him all day every day for 5 weeks straight so it will be tough BUT I am ready to get back to agility.  I am hoping deuce isn't too much of a hot mess tomorrow.  He has pretty much been off since April so three months and I am hoping the time off helped us rather than hurt us.  Before I had to stop running, we were SO close to getting some doubles so I am hoping we can get back on that trail.  He has stayed in good shape playing ball and jumping on and off of our deck a million times with his sis stella.  He is perfect weight and I hope a little bit more mature.  I did have to pull him from regionals but I think i made a good decision as we are not going to nationals anyway so what is the purpose.  I am also seeing the doctor for my 6 week check up next week.  I am hoping he will give me the green light to get back to running.  I will have to take it slow as my body is still re-couperating and still isn't 100% but I am going to go back through the couch to 5 K or the couch to 10 K program so it will be a slow reintroduction anyway.  I am hoping to get back to some 5 ks this fall and then maybe a half next year.

Quickly!

Trying to blog as quick as I can.  Andrew is asleep in his bouncy seat which is a miracle.  My little baby has become a little needy lately and I will admit, I have had a hard time adapting.  He is going through a, you have to hold me all the time or I will scream bloody murder phase.  I do think we are slowly going out of it though because just today he has napped twice in something other than my arms (hence the blog) and last night he slept next to me in bed on the mattress versus in my arms.  Yes, I have chosen to co-sleep.  Was this the plan, HELL NO!  I had this vision of him being this perfect little angel that slept through the night as soon as we got home from the hospital in his crib and in his bassinet during the day and boy has that been anything farther from the truth.  I will have to say I have learned so much.  Much more on what not to do but alot of what to do.  I am a researcher so I research everything.  Probably too much, but knowledge makes me feel better.  Even if it is wrong.  Trying to still adapt to the whole you have to do this now or it won't get done mentality too.  Napping when the sun is still out is hard too.  I have found that I do better at napping in the morning because it is like sleeping late, which I loved to do pre baby.  And now, he is awake so have to go!!!!

Back in the saddle again

All of the shows are opening up right now.  I hate trying to make decisions on how things will be or be going months from now.  So far I have entered regionals in KC and Triune in KC and plan on entering Carthage and Agility Ability.  Past that I have no clue.  I want to go to Omaha but thoughts of my van breaking down on those back roads that I have to take to get there with a baby  in the van  just don't sound very appealing to me.  But who knows, by then he may be fine to leave for three days with his daddy.  Unfortuntaely i have to make decisions now.  Most of these shows won't fill but I figured Carthage and Triune would so had to go ahead and enter.  May have to eat some fees or pull but wanted to get entered anyway.  Deuce and I need to get back in the saddle.  He has had a nice long break and now it is time to get back to it.  I seriously think that tulsa and nationals aren't going to work but who knows where it will be next year so we need to get back in shape for the new qualifying period.  Funny, alot of people told me shows wouldn't be as important to me after the baby or that i would quit.  I haven't lost any of the desire I had previous to baby for showing or for my goals.  I worry about how it is going to be taking him to shows or being gone but not to the point where I am not entering at all.  This is my hobby and my passion.  I hope when andrew gets big enough that he can share in that love and passion.  I hope by taking him as a baby that he will grow to love it, not hate it.